Geeking Sexuality

I am not trans. I am not a person of color. I am not a sex worker. I am not a lesbian, or a gay man (I am queer.) I have been poor, but I grew up in middle class stability. I do not have a history of sexual assault, but I have been emotionally abused.

There are  identities that we can recognize, validate and support through allyship, recognition, and speaking out when others marginalize, belittle or try to invalidate their perspectives.

My intention when speaking up about trans issues, race issues, sex workers rights, asexual issues, among others… is to both support and make space for others voices. When someone I know might be hurt by things that are said by others, I want to speak up when they aren’t there to defend themselves, just like I hope that my friends speak up against biphobia, prejudice against poly folk, slut-shaming, etc. when I'm not around. (Sometimes that hope is misplaced, sadly...)

When I am in a room dominated by white people, I want to make sure that the one person of color does not get tokenized, is not constantly relied upon to represent all issues on race as if the rest of us have none. When there are no people of color in the room, I want to make sure that the voices I have heard get life and space when others would trample over them.

I want to support trans* identified and gender variant people so that they are not alone in challenging cissexism and gender policing, or suffering bullying in silence.

Sometimes this means talking about perspectives and experiences that aren’t my own, and there is a really delicate balance between challenging racism, sexism, homophobia, transmisogyny, etc., and stealing other people’s voices.

There is also a danger of taking up too much space, when allies should be making room for members of a marginalized group to speak for themselves, not presenting other peoples stories as their own.
This can be really challenging, and I suspect that I eff it up way more than anybody actually calls me out on. My intention is never to suggest that I can tell your stories, trans* people, people of color, sex workers, asexuals, etc., either that it’s my job or my right to do so.

Please call me out when I eff up. Let me know when I’m not being a good ally, when my “well meaning,” really isn’t. I want to know. Please let me know if there’s anything you want me to do (not do, do differently) to better support you, or to be more explicitly inclusive, or to just tell me that I fucked up and said something that was hurtful, regardless of how I “meant” it.